I picked this book randomly off a shelf in Barnes and Noble and started reading. Couldn't put it down! It's the memoir of a Sudanese man who was one of the "Lost Boys" - war refugees from southern Sudan. His village was attacked in 1987 (when he was 13) and he fled with other refugees, got separated from his family and spent the next several years fleeing, starving, and surviving in refugee camps in Ethiopia and Kenya. He eventually makes it to the US in 2001, courtesy of the UN High Commissioner for Refugees and the US government, just before the number of immigrants was sharply decreased after 9/11.
Despite the grim subject matter, the story is really well told. For me, it made the whole desperate situation in Sudan and Darfur more personal, and gave me new insight into the lives of the Sudanese families we have encountered here in Utah. For a few years we were peripherally involved in helping recent immigrants from Sudan as they settled here in Salt Lake. The book filled me in on more of their cultural customs and what it must have been like to go from that society to this one. There are some quite funny stories actually, so don't make the mistake of thinking the book is all one long horror story. The author's attitude and spirit shine through.
I highly recommend this one if you get a chance to read it. The author is John Bul Dau.
This weekend we also saw The Kite Runner. I had read the book a couple of years ago. The movie was extremely well done, and as faithful to the book as any movie I've seen. I heard that the kid who played Hassan had to go into hiding with his parents as they feared Islamic (fundamentalist) backlash - I'm not sure if it was the subject matter, or the negative portrayal of Islamic fundamentalists in Afghanistan, or what. Oh well. Kudos to this movie - some sad/serious subject matter but the element of redemption in it came through.
Other random news: today is mom's birthday. Happy birthday MOM! I think she is in Italy on vacation. Hope she is having the time of her life.
Last weekend I took Alex to a birthday party where they had a magician who performed for the kids, mostly 3-5 years old. It was a riot. The magician was silly and knew just how to appeal to that age group's sense of humor. He had them rolling on the ground. At one point he had a little house with a Cookie Monster that moved around in it, then disappeared, only to re-appear later peeking out from his belt in back. Alex keeps talking about the man who had "Cookie Monster in his pants" and while I know what she is referring to, I'm sure it sounds very odd out of context!
cheers
Monday, April 28, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Malaria Awareness Day
Tomorrow is Malaria Awareness Day. Frankly, I have to admit that most of time I don't think about malaria at all. In my small corner of the world, it's not much of an issue. But worldwide, it's a big big deal. I copied this info from Malaria No More, which collects donations toward bed nets and otherwise promotes cost-effective ways to limit malaria. I think it's pretty cool that $10 can save a life.
"... Last year, for the first time, the United States officially commemorated Malaria Awareness Day, celebrating progress and highlighting opportunities in the fight against malaria. To underscore the U.S. commitment to ending malaria related deaths, President Bush embraced the urgency of the cause by designating April 25th, 2007 as Malaria Awareness Day.
... Here are five things you can do to stop malaria in its tracks:
Donate bed nets for families in Africa: Each long-lasting insecticide-treated bed net protects a child from malaria. When a child dies every thirty seconds from malaria, a moment of your time can save a life.
Plan your own malaria event: a great way to celebrate World Malaria Day is to celebrate with friends and family. We have everything you need to make your event a success.
Dance the night away: By joining our youth outreach program, Stayin' Alive, your school can take an active part in the fight against malaria.
Learn more about the disease: Take five minutes on World Malaria Day to learn about this disease.
Tell your friends and family to take a stand against malaria today: send an e-card and donate a bed net in honor of a friend or loved one.
Join us in the fight to end malaria deaths. World Malaria Day is your chance to make a difference on a global scale. So choose today to save a life and change the world—and remember that, together, we can make Malaria No More.
In the daily grind, sometimes we forget to see the bigger picture. Stuff like this helps put things in perspective for me.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Sleep chronicles
Alex is a good sleeper - off and on. At 3, to our chagrin, she still has some intermittent nighttime sleep issues, which translates to interrupted sleep for us (usually me, as Bryan sleeps through noise better than I do). I've been up briefly with her 3 of the last 4 nights. Last night she woke me up twice, at 1 a.m. and 5 a.m. She will occasionally cry and then stop on her own, but more often now she will cry until someone comes to her. I have tried letting her cry for up to 15 minutes, but that means I lie awake the entire time and Sam wakes up too, so lately I've just been giving in.
Sometimes she loses her da-dosh (special washcloth she sleeps and cuddles with), and can't seem to even attempt to look for it on her own. Last night (the 5 a.m. awakening) she fell out of bed. She is fully capable of getting back in, but she cried until I came and put her back in. Other times she has some somatic complaint: her tummy hurts, or she says, "I can't breathe." Gotta love that one - I've never seen a hint of asthma or breathing difficulties, and she says this frequently, not just if she has congestion or a cold. Very often she can't describe any reason for her crying, but just says "Hold me." After a minute or so of holding and rocking, she's happy enough to be put back in her bed and goes back to sleep without protest.
She's also quite resistant to settling down to go to sleep in the evenings, especially if she's had a good afternoon nap. If we stay up talking in the kitchen or our bedroom after putting her to bed, she will get out of bed to come and tell us we're being "too loud." Or she will say she heard "a noise." The other day we asked if it could be her heater vent and she went back into her room, stuck her finger into the vent and said, "It was my heater! No wonder I couldn't sleep!" (The low-level blowing noise has never been noticed/commented on by her before.) :-) We've found her awake at midnight in the recent past, and it's not uncommon for her to play in her room until 10:30 at night. Bryan says this (difficulty getting to sleep/staying asleep) predicts anxiety in later life, and I wonder what we're in for. I don't see her sleep issues as being severe, at this point, but I do worry a little.
So...how can we as parents best respond to these sleep issues? Ignore her at night? Refuse to let her nap (and deal with the crankiness around 5 pm)? Reward her the next morning if she stays quiet all night? My instinct is to check initially when she cries, make sure there is truly nothing wrong, and then get out quickly to minimize the "reward" of having mom's company. I debate whether to hold her when she asks, especially when she seems to have no apparent reason for getting me out of bed. If these behaviors continue, I may tell her that holding and rocking can happen any time of day and always at bedtime, but nighttime is for sleeping. Wish me luck.
Sometimes she loses her da-dosh (special washcloth she sleeps and cuddles with), and can't seem to even attempt to look for it on her own. Last night (the 5 a.m. awakening) she fell out of bed. She is fully capable of getting back in, but she cried until I came and put her back in. Other times she has some somatic complaint: her tummy hurts, or she says, "I can't breathe." Gotta love that one - I've never seen a hint of asthma or breathing difficulties, and she says this frequently, not just if she has congestion or a cold. Very often she can't describe any reason for her crying, but just says "Hold me." After a minute or so of holding and rocking, she's happy enough to be put back in her bed and goes back to sleep without protest.
She's also quite resistant to settling down to go to sleep in the evenings, especially if she's had a good afternoon nap. If we stay up talking in the kitchen or our bedroom after putting her to bed, she will get out of bed to come and tell us we're being "too loud." Or she will say she heard "a noise." The other day we asked if it could be her heater vent and she went back into her room, stuck her finger into the vent and said, "It was my heater! No wonder I couldn't sleep!" (The low-level blowing noise has never been noticed/commented on by her before.) :-) We've found her awake at midnight in the recent past, and it's not uncommon for her to play in her room until 10:30 at night. Bryan says this (difficulty getting to sleep/staying asleep) predicts anxiety in later life, and I wonder what we're in for. I don't see her sleep issues as being severe, at this point, but I do worry a little.
So...how can we as parents best respond to these sleep issues? Ignore her at night? Refuse to let her nap (and deal with the crankiness around 5 pm)? Reward her the next morning if she stays quiet all night? My instinct is to check initially when she cries, make sure there is truly nothing wrong, and then get out quickly to minimize the "reward" of having mom's company. I debate whether to hold her when she asks, especially when she seems to have no apparent reason for getting me out of bed. If these behaviors continue, I may tell her that holding and rocking can happen any time of day and always at bedtime, but nighttime is for sleeping. Wish me luck.
Monday, April 21, 2008
book review: Saving Fish from Drowning
I have greatly enjoyed several books by Amy Tan, but this one really didn't do much for me.
I listened to it on audio, and it was read by the author, and she is a very good reader as well as writer. But...I'm not sure why...I just didn't get into this one.
It was told from the viewpoint of a dead person whose "ghost" (I guess) accompanies the tour group she had planned to lead through China and Burma before her untimely demise. The group goes missing and the reader gets to see what actually happens during their disappearance into the jungles of Burma. I had a hard time caring about any of the characters and there seemed to be a lot of gratuitous sexual stuff that IMHO didn't add any value to the story. The bigger issue was that in the end, it didn't seem there was any real movement or change or transformation that came out of the whole experience for any of the characters. Actually, the ending was kind of depressing, not in a "tragic" way that makes you think, but more in a mundane way that probably mimics the way life really is. I can get that from reading the newspaper. I want more profound take-aways from fiction. Maybe that is too much to ask, but I've gotten it from Amy Tan in the past.
I LOVED A Hundred Secret Senses and the Bone-Setter's Daughter, and the Joy Luck Club was pretty good, but this one was a disappointment.
I listened to it on audio, and it was read by the author, and she is a very good reader as well as writer. But...I'm not sure why...I just didn't get into this one.
It was told from the viewpoint of a dead person whose "ghost" (I guess) accompanies the tour group she had planned to lead through China and Burma before her untimely demise. The group goes missing and the reader gets to see what actually happens during their disappearance into the jungles of Burma. I had a hard time caring about any of the characters and there seemed to be a lot of gratuitous sexual stuff that IMHO didn't add any value to the story. The bigger issue was that in the end, it didn't seem there was any real movement or change or transformation that came out of the whole experience for any of the characters. Actually, the ending was kind of depressing, not in a "tragic" way that makes you think, but more in a mundane way that probably mimics the way life really is. I can get that from reading the newspaper. I want more profound take-aways from fiction. Maybe that is too much to ask, but I've gotten it from Amy Tan in the past.
I LOVED A Hundred Secret Senses and the Bone-Setter's Daughter, and the Joy Luck Club was pretty good, but this one was a disappointment.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Cubeecraft
Qué maravillosa es la Red. Con un poco de imaginación y ganas se hacen cosas tan graciosas y tan accesibles a cualquiera como los muñequitos de Cubeecraft.
Elige el que más te guste, dale a la impresora, a la tijera, a doblar y listo.
¿Reconocéis a alguno que os guste?
Yo de momento me imprimo al Dr. Manhatan ya mismo…
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Somewhere...out there...
Today Sam turns TWO!
His babyhood is disappearing even faster than Alex's. It's been harder to focus in on all his endearing little traits, to keep track of all his milestones, and just to be completely present in the moment with him every day as I felt I was with Alex when she was my only one. I suppose it's a natural thing that happens when you go from having one child to two, and it's not as if I can't pay enough attention to each of them (most of the time). It just takes more conscious effort.
Sam's Korean mom is really in my thoughts today. I admit that most of the time, what with the constant demands of working and keeping up with the kids, I don't think so much about the fact that somewhere in Korea are a man and a woman who have a direct biological connection to Sam. But today I will let my thoughts go there...what are they doing today? What does his mother remember about this day? Did she hold him when he was born? Did she cry when she had to put him in the care of another, or was she more numb, or perhaps feeling a mixture of relief and regret? What does she think about on this day? I wish I knew whether she has ever showed up at the agency to see his pictures or read our letters. I wish I could see her face, and the face of his Korean father. I wish I could take a peek at his dad's hands and feet and see if that's where Sam gets them! I wish I could know a lot more about them. Maybe someday.
Happy birthday, my precious little Samwise. We love you immensely. And we wish the best for your Korean mom and dad, whoever and wherever they are.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Lazy Bastard,
El paseo marítimo de Palma que veo cada día desde la bici
No quiero disculparme por esta terrible sequía de posts que creo se ha convertido en la más larga desde que empecé este blog allá por el 2005.
Imagino que en parte se debe a mi carácter algo caprichoso :P
Tengo tantas cosas en mente a la vez que mi pobre blog no ha podido hacer otra cosa que caerse de la lista de prioridades. No por ello se me ha quitado de la cabeza, no. Me llama y me grita casi cada día haciéndome sentir culpable por darle vida y abandonarle a su suerte. Como si de un padre irresponsable se tratase.
Tampoco significa que no me hayan sucedido cosas, sí es verdad que comparado con un año de viaje, la vida “normal” puede parecer rutinaria y carente de emociones, pero no es verdad, y la mía no es una excepción. He de decir que estoy pasando muy buenos ratos en Palma, haciendo muchas cosas. He hecho Yoga, intentado escalar, he navegado en regatas en un velero tipo clásico de unos 19 metros, he ido a la playita, patinado al lado del mar, he probado casi todos los manjares que la isla tiene que ofrecer, he leído montones de libros y comics interesantes que me han dado ideas o han cambiado mi forma de ver ciertas cosas (todos lo hacen en mayor o menor medida, ¿no?), pero lo más interesante es, como siempre, la gente que he tenido la suerte de conocer. Tanto dentro como fuera del trabajo.
Navegando, y no por La Red...
Siempre he pensado que en la vida te vas cruzando con maestros y maestras y que pueden presentarse en la persona que menos te esperas. Es gracias a esos maestros que vas haciéndote a ti mismo adoptando o predicando las cosas que más te han gustado de su carácter.
Mi revuelta mesa de trabajo ñ_ñ
Puede que la razón por la que deje de escribir durante temporadas sea otra que ignoro, pero puede que parte de la culpa la tenga el hecho de que mi cabeza está plagada de planes y proyectos que quiero llevar a cabo. No los voy a enumerar aquí porque no es el momento, pero estar están y son muchos y variados. En no mucho tiempo recibiréis noticias sobre estos planes y proyectos…
Quiero volver a sentir la liberación que da el escribir, espero poder volver a encauzar esta necesidad pronto y que sea aquí donde plasme todas las chorradas que me vengan a la mente.
Estoy leyendo muchos más blogs que antes y me encantan, iré compartiendo mis links con vosotr@s.
Mi trasero está inquieto y ya se quiere echar a la carretera de nuevo. Me apetece pillar una mochila (lo más pequeña posible) y viajar otra vez. Es una putada ser así, imagino que me costará mucho echar raíces en un sitio en concreto, pero ya lo encontraré.
Bueno, que sepáis que de los distintos planes que tengo para mi futuro inmediato todos son excitantes y geniales.
Stay tuned!
Recomendaciones:
- la peli de Juno, que me sorpredió de manera grata y cuya banda sonora merece atención especial:
- un libro:
El clásico de Ciencia Ficción "El juego de Ender"
- música:
- unos comics:
del autor Jiro Taniguchi
Linda historia de 3 números sobre un hombre que vuelve a su aldea después de muchos años para asistir al funeral de su padre y descubre que no era tan malo como lo recordaba.
Historias cortas geniales, en el estilo de Taniguchi, muy humanas...
Como dice el título, un hombre que se dedica a caminar y a admirar lo que le rodea, casi sin diálogos.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
angst over school choices
Man - who knew I would feel so conflicted over where to send our kids to school?
And - who knew I would be agonizing about it 2 years ahead of the actual start of school? Not me!
The catalyst for all this was that my friend and my brother both have daughters who will be 4 in the fall. They both applied to put their daughters in private preschools in the area and were both told the classes were already full (!) and put on a waiting list.
Actually, I wasn't even really considering private school for our kids, but it got me thinking and I decided to check out the schools, public and private, in our area. I got a dose of reality when I saw the statistics for our local public school: 95% white, 2% black, 2% hispanic, and 1% Asian. Hmmmm. Of course, the private schools are also 95% white, so if we have any more hope of greater diversity, we will either have to move or hope to get in to a school closer to the city. There is a school with nearly 20% Asian kids (the highest it gets in Utah) on my way to work, but rumor has it there are 500 applicants for about 6 spots at that school every year. (It's public, so preference goes to kids living in that district.)
The other schools with any kind of diversity are mostly filled with Latino students, which is fine, but how much does that really help you if you are Korean? Also, the test scores at these schools are considerably lower than those near us - not the biggest factor, but it seems I have the choice of either good academics (and generally better environments, more extracurricular activities, more parent involvement, higher parent ratings) - or more diversity. It may be impossible to get both.
The other big factor - and the one that pushes me closest to considering a private school - is that many public schools are dominated by one religious majority (LDS). Our kids are already minorities, and they will feel this more and more as they grow up in white-dominant Utah. If they are also in the religious minority - will they feel like TOTAL outsiders?
Ugh. Part of me wishes the world really was "color-blind" - and I think race issues really aren't very big in Utah - but how would I know? I'm in the racial majority and always have been. I do know that if I were the only one of my race in my elementary school class, I would feel it. I don't want to put my kids in that situation.
And - who knew I would be agonizing about it 2 years ahead of the actual start of school? Not me!
The catalyst for all this was that my friend and my brother both have daughters who will be 4 in the fall. They both applied to put their daughters in private preschools in the area and were both told the classes were already full (!) and put on a waiting list.
Actually, I wasn't even really considering private school for our kids, but it got me thinking and I decided to check out the schools, public and private, in our area. I got a dose of reality when I saw the statistics for our local public school: 95% white, 2% black, 2% hispanic, and 1% Asian. Hmmmm. Of course, the private schools are also 95% white, so if we have any more hope of greater diversity, we will either have to move or hope to get in to a school closer to the city. There is a school with nearly 20% Asian kids (the highest it gets in Utah) on my way to work, but rumor has it there are 500 applicants for about 6 spots at that school every year. (It's public, so preference goes to kids living in that district.)
The other schools with any kind of diversity are mostly filled with Latino students, which is fine, but how much does that really help you if you are Korean? Also, the test scores at these schools are considerably lower than those near us - not the biggest factor, but it seems I have the choice of either good academics (and generally better environments, more extracurricular activities, more parent involvement, higher parent ratings) - or more diversity. It may be impossible to get both.
The other big factor - and the one that pushes me closest to considering a private school - is that many public schools are dominated by one religious majority (LDS). Our kids are already minorities, and they will feel this more and more as they grow up in white-dominant Utah. If they are also in the religious minority - will they feel like TOTAL outsiders?
Ugh. Part of me wishes the world really was "color-blind" - and I think race issues really aren't very big in Utah - but how would I know? I'm in the racial majority and always have been. I do know that if I were the only one of my race in my elementary school class, I would feel it. I don't want to put my kids in that situation.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Happy Easter
We had a really nice Easter. Alex was very happy to see a chocolate bunny in her Easter basket, and Sam got mad about something and threw his Easter basket on the floor, but he recovered quickly. We had Buzzmeovana over for lunch - we tried a new recipe for lamb shish kebabs and it came out good! All in all - a good day and it finally feels like SPRING!
Thursday, March 20, 2008
"I promise"
Last night Alex was snuggling on the couch with me and asked if I would sleep in her bed with her. I said I would snuggle for a few minutes, but I can't sleep in her bed all night. She said, "When I was a baby, you slept with me." I've told her about how, when she first arrived home with us, I slept in her room with her because she missed her foster mom. She has been bringing up Korea and her foster mom recently, on her own initiative. I'm amazed at how much she remembers of what we've told her, but I'm not sure how much she really understands.
So, while still snuggling on my lap and right after talking about her foster mom, she looks into my eyes and says something like, "Promise you will never go away, mom. You have to PROMISE." (I don't remember the exact wording and her grammar is a little off...and I don't remember her ever using the word "promise." Wow.) I said, "I promise I will never leave you." And she said, "No, promise you will never go away ALEX." Did she mean "give away Alex"? Was she worried that she will be "given away" again? I told her I will always be her mommy and she will be my girl forever. That seemed to satisfy her.
I've been thinking about this a lot last night and today. It was a poignant moment, a glimmer of her first conscious processing of what had to happen for her to be adopted. :-( I'm sad to think she might be worried that her status as our daughter could ever be in jeopardy. :-( In combination with the comments she made last week, telling us out of the blue that she was "junk" - and now apparently wondering if she could be "thrown away" or "given away" ? I wonder if the adoption explanations we've tried to give have been misinterpreted? I remember reading a study that showed that 3-5 year old Korean children, adopted as infants, were worried that they might be taken away again. These concerns were generally not shared with their parents and in all respects they were well-adjusted, happy kids.
We've always been matter-of-fact about her adoption and have tried to make sure she understands where she began her life and how she came to be our daughter. But - no matter how delicately you couch it - when you tell a child that her first mother could not be a mother to her, and so she was taken to a new family - does she automatically, if unconsciously, conclude that she is somehow not valuable? That it was her fault? I suppose this would be a rational conclusion, and I've seen it expressed by adoptees before. I naively hoped my kids would somehow escape it. I also didn't expect to see these questions or fears quite this early.
I've briefly questioned the wisdom of our telling Alex her adoption story at this tender age. But only briefly. I still believe in my heart that honesty is the best policy, that by telling her the facts (at age appropriate levels) we are enabling her to understand and integrate her past with her present, are allowing her to question us with the expectation of receiving truthful answers, and are creating an environment in which dialogue can occur without an overtone of secrecy or shamefulness. As sad as I am to think she might be fearful or feel not valued, I would be even more sad if she did not feel she could express these things to us.
And so I plan to get my ducks in a row and talk to her again, sometime in the near future, about her adoption story. Her 3rd arrival day anniversary is coming up in May, so we'll probably have another discussion around that time and look at her lifebook pictures. This time, I may be more careful to emphasize that her first mother (and father) could not take care of ANY baby - and that being adopted means she belongs with us forever. I have to anticipate the "Why" questions this time, too - so I pray I can answer in a way that affirms her. Wish me luck!
So, while still snuggling on my lap and right after talking about her foster mom, she looks into my eyes and says something like, "Promise you will never go away, mom. You have to PROMISE." (I don't remember the exact wording and her grammar is a little off...and I don't remember her ever using the word "promise." Wow.) I said, "I promise I will never leave you." And she said, "No, promise you will never go away ALEX." Did she mean "give away Alex"? Was she worried that she will be "given away" again? I told her I will always be her mommy and she will be my girl forever. That seemed to satisfy her.
I've been thinking about this a lot last night and today. It was a poignant moment, a glimmer of her first conscious processing of what had to happen for her to be adopted. :-( I'm sad to think she might be worried that her status as our daughter could ever be in jeopardy. :-( In combination with the comments she made last week, telling us out of the blue that she was "junk" - and now apparently wondering if she could be "thrown away" or "given away" ? I wonder if the adoption explanations we've tried to give have been misinterpreted? I remember reading a study that showed that 3-5 year old Korean children, adopted as infants, were worried that they might be taken away again. These concerns were generally not shared with their parents and in all respects they were well-adjusted, happy kids.
We've always been matter-of-fact about her adoption and have tried to make sure she understands where she began her life and how she came to be our daughter. But - no matter how delicately you couch it - when you tell a child that her first mother could not be a mother to her, and so she was taken to a new family - does she automatically, if unconsciously, conclude that she is somehow not valuable? That it was her fault? I suppose this would be a rational conclusion, and I've seen it expressed by adoptees before. I naively hoped my kids would somehow escape it. I also didn't expect to see these questions or fears quite this early.
I've briefly questioned the wisdom of our telling Alex her adoption story at this tender age. But only briefly. I still believe in my heart that honesty is the best policy, that by telling her the facts (at age appropriate levels) we are enabling her to understand and integrate her past with her present, are allowing her to question us with the expectation of receiving truthful answers, and are creating an environment in which dialogue can occur without an overtone of secrecy or shamefulness. As sad as I am to think she might be fearful or feel not valued, I would be even more sad if she did not feel she could express these things to us.
And so I plan to get my ducks in a row and talk to her again, sometime in the near future, about her adoption story. Her 3rd arrival day anniversary is coming up in May, so we'll probably have another discussion around that time and look at her lifebook pictures. This time, I may be more careful to emphasize that her first mother (and father) could not take care of ANY baby - and that being adopted means she belongs with us forever. I have to anticipate the "Why" questions this time, too - so I pray I can answer in a way that affirms her. Wish me luck!
Monday, March 17, 2008
Alex update
We are having our ups and downs with Alex. I am wondering if the terrible threes will ever end. She can be so charming, cute, and fun one minute, and then the next she turns into a little raging, tantruming tiger cub.
A recent quote I liked: "Mommy, even when you are bad, I still love you." When she gets frustrated with me or Sam she counts (just like we do with her) "That's one," "That's two," etc. Except she can't put us in time out when we get to three. :-) Poor Alex. When she doesn't like something I'm doing I hear a lot of "Mom, you're being BAD. You're NAUGHTY." I have tried to emphasize the fact that SHE is not bad, but sometimes her BEHAVIOR is bad, but in her mind, they are all the same, I'm afraid. I hope she doesn't internalize the notion that she is "BAD" too much, especially since she spends a fair amount of time in the time out chair. I try to counter it with positive cuddle time, rocking chair time, telling her often how great she is, and catching her being good. It is hard to know what is sinking in. Twice in the past week she has talked about being "junk" and getting thrown in the trash. What is this about?! Bryan and I have not the foggiest notion. We don't want to read too much into it, but it seems a pretty strange thing for a 3-year-old to say. We have never even joked about such a concept with her - so where does she get it? Hmmm.
The bedtime and potty battles continue. She really has a hard time accepting the rules and constantly tries to manipulate them. I don't get it - she knows we will make her go to bed every night and we follow a very predictable routine - yet when it's that final moment when we say good night and leave the room, many nights it's another squall with yelling and tears. She will not initiate going to the potty herself, and if we don't provide the motivation she will go only once or maybe twice the whole day. We're trying for 3 times a day - but lucky to make it two. We try to give her many other ways to have control, like allowing her to wear her pajamas everywhere, but it's an uphill battle.
I've heard this gets better when they turn four. On the bright side, she is really learning to play beautifully with Ava and other kids her age.
A recent quote I liked: "Mommy, even when you are bad, I still love you." When she gets frustrated with me or Sam she counts (just like we do with her) "That's one," "That's two," etc. Except she can't put us in time out when we get to three. :-) Poor Alex. When she doesn't like something I'm doing I hear a lot of "Mom, you're being BAD. You're NAUGHTY." I have tried to emphasize the fact that SHE is not bad, but sometimes her BEHAVIOR is bad, but in her mind, they are all the same, I'm afraid. I hope she doesn't internalize the notion that she is "BAD" too much, especially since she spends a fair amount of time in the time out chair. I try to counter it with positive cuddle time, rocking chair time, telling her often how great she is, and catching her being good. It is hard to know what is sinking in. Twice in the past week she has talked about being "junk" and getting thrown in the trash. What is this about?! Bryan and I have not the foggiest notion. We don't want to read too much into it, but it seems a pretty strange thing for a 3-year-old to say. We have never even joked about such a concept with her - so where does she get it? Hmmm.
The bedtime and potty battles continue. She really has a hard time accepting the rules and constantly tries to manipulate them. I don't get it - she knows we will make her go to bed every night and we follow a very predictable routine - yet when it's that final moment when we say good night and leave the room, many nights it's another squall with yelling and tears. She will not initiate going to the potty herself, and if we don't provide the motivation she will go only once or maybe twice the whole day. We're trying for 3 times a day - but lucky to make it two. We try to give her many other ways to have control, like allowing her to wear her pajamas everywhere, but it's an uphill battle.
I've heard this gets better when they turn four. On the bright side, she is really learning to play beautifully with Ava and other kids her age.
Friday, March 14, 2008
book of the month - The Raft
I've been listening to an audiobook called "The Raft" by Bill Trumbull, randomly selected from our local library shelves in an opportune moment when I was there to browse without the kids.
It is a true story of 3 Navy men who got lost on a routine mission (scouting for submarines) early in 1942 - just 2 months after Pearl Harbor - and couldn't make it back to their aircraft carrier in the Pacific. They landed the plane in the water and managed to get the life raft out before the plane sank, but all the survival gear went down in the plane. The US fleet was stretched too thin in the Pacific for much of a search and rescue effort - so after a search plane passed over them the first day, they were on their own. For the next 34 days they floated at the mercy of the elements and had to survive on what they could catch - fish, birds, a couple of floating coconuts. It sounds like it might be boring but actually is a pretty engrossing story - well told and full of good details - I don't know how they remembered the details so well afterward but I guess maybe you would if you were in that situation. I don't know why I like these kind of near-death adventure stories so much, but I do. Some of my favorites are Alive and Into Thin Air. I listened to one called The Hatchet earlier this year, about a boy stranded alone in the Canadian woods with nothing but a hatchet, and I liked that too, but I think it was fiction.
Anyway - if you have a car trip coming up or just need a good true adventure story, I recommend The Raft. You'll be glad to be warm, safe, and dry.
It is a true story of 3 Navy men who got lost on a routine mission (scouting for submarines) early in 1942 - just 2 months after Pearl Harbor - and couldn't make it back to their aircraft carrier in the Pacific. They landed the plane in the water and managed to get the life raft out before the plane sank, but all the survival gear went down in the plane. The US fleet was stretched too thin in the Pacific for much of a search and rescue effort - so after a search plane passed over them the first day, they were on their own. For the next 34 days they floated at the mercy of the elements and had to survive on what they could catch - fish, birds, a couple of floating coconuts. It sounds like it might be boring but actually is a pretty engrossing story - well told and full of good details - I don't know how they remembered the details so well afterward but I guess maybe you would if you were in that situation. I don't know why I like these kind of near-death adventure stories so much, but I do. Some of my favorites are Alive and Into Thin Air. I listened to one called The Hatchet earlier this year, about a boy stranded alone in the Canadian woods with nothing but a hatchet, and I liked that too, but I think it was fiction.
Anyway - if you have a car trip coming up or just need a good true adventure story, I recommend The Raft. You'll be glad to be warm, safe, and dry.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Paper accepted!
Today I found out that a paper I submitted with a group from my work has been accepted for presentation at a national conference in Phoenix this summer. Woo-hoo!
I haven't done very much academic work for the past 2 years. It's a nice feeling of accomplishment to be first author on a paper, especially since it was written in a marathon session just before the deadline. I had thought they only wanted the abstract until just about a day before the due date, and then discovered they wanted the entire paper. I buckled down and pushed through a 12-hour work day to get it done. There were several serendipitous occurrences that day that enabled me to finish it, including key people being willing to help me work on it after hours. I really do have fantastic co-workers. And as a side benefit, I now have the capacity to convert any document to PDF format. Whee.
If anyone's interested, the paper is about how we used a controlled reference terminology (SNOMED CT) to exchange computable data on patient allergies between the VA and the Dept of Defense. If you have insomnia, reading the entire paper could probably cure it, unless you happen to be one of the .001% of the population that really grooves on this sort of stuff.
I haven't done very much academic work for the past 2 years. It's a nice feeling of accomplishment to be first author on a paper, especially since it was written in a marathon session just before the deadline. I had thought they only wanted the abstract until just about a day before the due date, and then discovered they wanted the entire paper. I buckled down and pushed through a 12-hour work day to get it done. There were several serendipitous occurrences that day that enabled me to finish it, including key people being willing to help me work on it after hours. I really do have fantastic co-workers. And as a side benefit, I now have the capacity to convert any document to PDF format. Whee.
If anyone's interested, the paper is about how we used a controlled reference terminology (SNOMED CT) to exchange computable data on patient allergies between the VA and the Dept of Defense. If you have insomnia, reading the entire paper could probably cure it, unless you happen to be one of the .001% of the population that really grooves on this sort of stuff.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Fun Times
Me: So.. what happened?
Dude: We were playing.
Dude: We were playing.
Me: What game exactly?
Dude: I told my cousin he couldn't do it, he said he could.. then he did.
Me: I see. And where is he right now?
Dude: Outside in the waiting room.
Me: Right.
Idiots.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
En las andadas de nuevo
Esto es un desastre.
Pobrecito mi blog, que lástima, lo buena persona que es y lo bien que se porta conmigo y yo aquí sin escribirle ni nada.
Supongo que mi nueva vida me mantiene demasiado ocupado como para hacerle caso.
Hace unos días ha sido mi cumpleaños, 31, lo cual me importa un pepino, y he ido a ver a familia y a amig@s a Madrid.
Ya he encontrado piso en Palma, y está situado en el centrísimo de la ciudad, como a mí me gusta. Me he mudado hace un par de semanas. El edificio está en obras y la escalera no tiene ni luz, todo eso junto con que sea un 4º ó 5º sin ascensor (en el centro las casas son antiguas y no tienen ascensor)hacen que el valor de la casa baje bastante, pero a mí no me importa ya que ni veo a los albañiles ya que estoy trabajando ni me importa subir unas escaleras.
Me he tenido que imprimir un calendario para poder coordinar lo de las visitas,, ya que se me ha apuntado bastante gente :P
Ya tengo mi bici, hoy mismo me iré a comprar un casco y candados y mañana mismo la uso para venir al curro. Y hoy mismo me voy a instalar Linux Ubuntu en la PS3.
Planes para este año a corto plazo:
Canción que más escucho:
Pobrecito mi blog, que lástima, lo buena persona que es y lo bien que se porta conmigo y yo aquí sin escribirle ni nada.
Supongo que mi nueva vida me mantiene demasiado ocupado como para hacerle caso.
Hace unos días ha sido mi cumpleaños, 31, lo cual me importa un pepino, y he ido a ver a familia y a amig@s a Madrid.
Ya he encontrado piso en Palma, y está situado en el centrísimo de la ciudad, como a mí me gusta. Me he mudado hace un par de semanas. El edificio está en obras y la escalera no tiene ni luz, todo eso junto con que sea un 4º ó 5º sin ascensor (en el centro las casas son antiguas y no tienen ascensor)hacen que el valor de la casa baje bastante, pero a mí no me importa ya que ni veo a los albañiles ya que estoy trabajando ni me importa subir unas escaleras.
Me he tenido que imprimir un calendario para poder coordinar lo de las visitas,, ya que se me ha apuntado bastante gente :P
Ya tengo mi bici, hoy mismo me iré a comprar un casco y candados y mañana mismo la uso para venir al curro. Y hoy mismo me voy a instalar Linux Ubuntu en la PS3.
Planes para este año a corto plazo:
- Presentar un proyecto de un juego a ver si cambio de departamento y puedo ser Game Designer
- Leer muchos libros y comics buenos (lo mismo no pongo Internet en casa para no perder el tiempo)
- Perder algo de peso (no es facil con la cantidad de vuelos que me compro a Madrid a ver a mis padres...)
- Hacer algo creativo, ya sea cine, novela o lo que sea
- Mejorar la tienda de ebay con Juanma (www.ebushi.com) con nuevas cosillas
- Hacer ropa con Invikto, siempre hemos querido crear nuestra marca de ropa urbana...
- Aprender Japonés (todos los días le dedico aunque sea media hora escuchando un cursillo de japonés en audio, "Pimsleur Japanese")
- ¿Visitar algún país nuevo?
- Seguir tratando a todo el mundo lo mejor que pueda.
- Etc, etc, etc...
Canción que más escucho:
Monday, February 18, 2008
Gold medal, and I love my DVR
Well, it took me about a year and 3 weeks - but my goal was to do it before my 39th birthday on March 8 and I made it! Woo-hoo!
For those of you who don't know, I've been working toward a Presidential fitness award. You log your workout points online and they accumulate toward a bronze (20,000 points), silver (40,000) or gold medal (80,000). I liked having the extra motivation to work out. Now that I'm done, though, I might need something else to motivate me to stick with it, especially through the rest of the winter.
Anyway - yahoo!
Unrelated subject: I really LOVE having a DVR. Buzz says it revolutionizes your TV watching and he is right. I am having fun watching shows I have heard about but never seen, like What Not to Wear. I recognize myself way too much in that one. A friend told me a couple years ago she wanted to nominate me for it, but I doubt I would ever do it. The whole new wardrobe would be nice though.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
awkward moment
So I'm standing at the voter sign-in table this morning at 7:15 a.m. when an acquaintance of mine comes in right behind me. He went to my alma mater, Wheaton College, and we've known him and his family on friendly terms for years here in Salt Lake. We used to go to the same church. He is a conservative Republican, politically active, and though we have rarely if ever discussed politics I think he's pretty darn committed to Republican ideals.
So in our state, if you're unaffiliated (as I am) the voter-sign-in dude has to ask you which ticket you want to vote on. So I answered "Democrat" right in front of my die-hard Republican acquaintance. It's not exactly an invasion of privacy, but it did make me uncomfortable. I am pretty moderate actually and have voted about equally Republican and Democrat in the past, but in the past few elections I've been swinging more to the Democratic side. These days, the war and the environment are on my mind as I approach the candidates. Every election year is different.
Oh well - in the grand scheme of things, I am extremely grateful that elections here are so calm and well-tempered, especially in light of what's happening in Kenya and what happens in a lot of the world around election time. I don't think our friendship with this guy and his family will change much because he knows I voted on the Democratic ticket - but all the same, I think the party affiliation rules in this state are kind of silly and annoying. Why can't we just cast a vote for whichever candidate we prefer, regardless of party?
So in our state, if you're unaffiliated (as I am) the voter-sign-in dude has to ask you which ticket you want to vote on. So I answered "Democrat" right in front of my die-hard Republican acquaintance. It's not exactly an invasion of privacy, but it did make me uncomfortable. I am pretty moderate actually and have voted about equally Republican and Democrat in the past, but in the past few elections I've been swinging more to the Democratic side. These days, the war and the environment are on my mind as I approach the candidates. Every election year is different.
Oh well - in the grand scheme of things, I am extremely grateful that elections here are so calm and well-tempered, especially in light of what's happening in Kenya and what happens in a lot of the world around election time. I don't think our friendship with this guy and his family will change much because he knows I voted on the Democratic ticket - but all the same, I think the party affiliation rules in this state are kind of silly and annoying. Why can't we just cast a vote for whichever candidate we prefer, regardless of party?